A Hard Job

Being a parent is definitely hard. There is always the fine line of being too strict versus too lenient. I have always loved books since I was a child and I have tried to inspire a love of books in my children. Here is Caleb with one of his favorite books. I read a book this weekend that really got me thinking. It is called The Glass Castle by Jeannette Wells. I could not believe it and was even more shocked with each turn of the page. It has been a long time since I've read a book in a weekend, but I could not go to sleep without finishing it. Her parents are quite neglectful. Her father is an alcoholic but does seem to have a loving side. Her mother at first has a loving side and then seems to have some sort of mental problem where she almost reverts to childhood. They didn't provide adequate meals except right after pay day. They never provided proper clothing. Sometimes they did not even provide them shelter and then the majority of the time the shelter should have been condemned. I could not believe it as I read about little Jeannette and her brothers and sisters digging through the garbage trying to find food.

The first thing I realized is that children really just want to feel loved and cared for from their parents. They will have their little tantrums but overall, just being there is very important. I often worry about not being able to pay for all the music lessons the kids want, the toys they want, books they want and things they want to do. Reading The Glass Castle made me realize my children should really appreciate all the extra curricular activities we do. Jeannette seemed to have a very vivid memory of times when she was just sitting around with her father and of other times when her mother laid in bed and would not get up. There is also a vivid description of when she goes to a friend's house whose mother is known as the town prostitute. She describes her as being a nice, caring mother that is there for her children and provides for them.

Second, anyone can succeed if they want to. it made me realize that if Jeannette, her sister, and her brother could become successful adults with the childhood they had, then others have no excuse. She had every hardship imaginable, yet she worked so hard to stay in school and become a writer. It reminded me of how happy I was to earn my own money when I was 12 and on. From the time I was 12, I don't really remember my parents buying me clothes or other luxury type items. Of course I got birthday and Christmas presents but that was about it. If someone really wants something, they will make it happen.

Third, once we have children we can no longer be selfish. Jeannette's mother squandered away all of their money on art supplies. She had a college education and could get a job teaching easily. I can't believe she would spend all the money on art supplies instead of feeding and clothing her children. She would also lay around all day and read romance books instead of going to teach. She had her time to be independent and would have it again after her children were grown, why did she neglect them. When they were teenagers she even told her kids that she had spent her life taking care of others and now she was going to concentrate on herself. I wanted to throw the book. It made me realize that while I want my children to be able to do things for themselves, sitting there watching TV, reading a book or anything else is not an excuse to not pay attention to them. I never get to watch any TV unless I am watching a kid movie with them or Mythbusters or Dirty Jobs. When I get tired I just have to realize in 18 years they will be off at college and I will be there in my house alone and I can read all the books I want to then.

Fourth, your children really will judge you and hold it against you. All of the critiques I read of her book talked about how she was so impartial and told the story without whining. She was successful in that aspect. I still couldn't help feeling like she forgave her father for much more and still held a grudge against her mother. She seemed to be compassionate towards her father in that he was an alcoholic whereas not so much with her mother who claimed she was an excitement addict.

When I described the book to my husband, he said "And that was a good book to read". It really was horrible to read all about how bad things really were for her, but I could not stop reading it. Although it is not a warm your heart kind of book, it was good to read because it made me realize what my children will hopefully remember when they look back on me, judging me.

Hopefully they will remember the meals I made them, all the laundry I did (17 loads in one weekend), all the books I read to them, all the times I came up to their school, all the music lessons and extracurricular lessons I paid for, and more importantly all the times I asked them: What do you want to do? How was your day? Who did you play with? What did you learn? What do you want to be when you grow up? What do you want to do for fun? And most importantly that my life was about providing for them. I worked to provide for them and I spent every minute I wasn't working on them. I love them and I just hope I can be a good Mom.

Two Nights of Sleep

Charlie and Maisy slept all night last night. I am afraid to even say it for fear that tonight they will trade off being up. This is the second night in a row, so maybe it is a start.

Maisy has been absolutely throwing a fit when I drop her off at pre-school. She clings to my leg, screaming and crying, and they have to physically force her off of me. When I pick her up she is so happy and singing cute little songs and making me repeat after her all the things she learned that day. The teacher says she is fine after I leave. I begged Rob to take her this morning because I just couldn't handle leaving her screaming again. When I get her up in the morning and get her dressed, she says, "Where me going" and I say in an excited happy voice, "you get to go to school" and then she starts in on refusing to get dressed, going on and on about how she doesn't want to go to school. It is miserable.

Maisy wants to go to gymnastics every day. She loves it. I don't know how you tell if a child has natural talent to be a gymnist. She asks to go everyday. It is wearing me out though.

Getting up early every morning and getting 4 kids dressed and out the door is hard. Then a 9 hour work day. then 4 hours of driving the kids around everywhere and having to act like I have all the energy in the world while encouraging them to get their homework done or behave. Then I have to get them all fed, bathed, read them 4 or 5 books and in bed. Then there is always laundry and dishes every single night just to get ready for the next day. When I crash into bed at 10 or so, then I have to finish up any work I had or if it is a particularly great day, I actually get to read a book. People talk about the current TV shows they are following and I have no clue. All the Moms keep telling me it is all worth it and one day I will miss it all when I sit there bored at home wondering what my kids are doing. That seems so far off right now.

Maisy is getting to do Awana's this year. She was so proud of her book and vest after watching her brothers do it for a year.

The only verse she has memorized so far is "God wuves da wowld" (God loves the world). She is actually trying to say the verse, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son....

It is so cute though and she definitely gets the point, that God loves the world.

The Pursuit of Happyness

Today was the first day for Maisy and Charlie to start school. Last night I stayed up preparing everything to try to make the morning go smoothly. So Finally I crash into bed last night. I actually get 6 hours of sleep which is a miracle! So at 5:00 am our daughter wakes up screaming at our cat Snowball to get out of her room. Somehow I know Snowball got the hint, because then she is just screaming that she wants her Mommy. I could feel my husband move, so I knew he was awake, so I tell him it is his turn. He says he is not going to get up because he wants her to stay in her own room. There is quiet and I am wondering if she actually did fall back asleep. Then at 5:30 am she comes into our room. Finally I see her doze off to sleep. Then at 6:00 am, I hear our baby needing to be fed. So I get up and get him fed, load the dishwasher, switch the clothes from the washer to the dryer, take the trash to the top of the driveway, make breakfast for the children. Then my husband comes downstairs wanting to know what furniture I want him to load to take to Arkansas. I am thinking, shouldn't you have done this last night. So I go over the list I have now given him 3 times, and he replies that he cannot lift the couch,etc by himself. So I go over lift up half of the couch and the fishtank, popcorn machine, etc. No problem. I am starting to sweat and I don't have time for a shower now. So I wake the kids up to tell them to get dressed and go down for their breakfast that I had made. I then give myself a washcloth bath and put my hair in a bun since I haven't had time to do it. Throw on a suit and some fake pearls just to look like I am put together. Go back down, make sure their backpacks are packed and snacks. Get our 3 year old dressed and have her eating her oatmeal that she always eats, then my husband makes a comment about there being too much sugar on it. Tells our daughter she doesn't like, to which she then tells me she doesn't like it like that and then refuses to eat it. If he wanted to gripe about the amount of sugar on it, he could have made it himself or else keep his mouth shut. Then carry everything for 2 younger kids that are starting school today to the car. Finally get them in the car, then all of the sudden my husband finally asks if I need help. I tell him to get Snowball into the box for me. He gets Snowball into the box and in the car. Then Snowball escapes from the box and out of the car. Me and children try to catch Snowball. Finally catch Snowball and then put him in a broken Rubbermaid that hopefully he can't get out of but can still breathe due to all the cracks in it. Get him to car, the Rubbermaid is too big and one of the seats needs to be put down. Snowball then escapes again. The bus comes and the 2 older kids almost miss it because they were helping look for the cat. Luckily they make the bus despite the driver closing his door and almost driving off. I give up on Snowball and take the 2 younger kids to school. I have 2 kids and 4 bags to carry in. So I just take the kids thinking it will be easier to come back. I forget the code to the door and am standing there waiting and waiting for someone to let us in. Finally get in and then the 2 rooms are clear across the room from each other. Drop off one kid and then hike across campus to the other child's room. Then hike back to car to get bags. Drop off bag at first class, hike across campus to other class. Make up the baby's crib, set out his bottles, and diapers, etc. He is in a little bouncy chair laughing and being so cute. I am so sad I am leaving him to play there. Finally tear myself away and hike back to car. Drive back to house and jump down in ditch to look in a drainage pipe to see if I can find Snowball. Hike around 1 acre wooded yard, still can't find Snowball. Try to go into house thinking maybe he'll come out if he doesn't think I am looking for him. Still no Snowball. Finally I give up and head to work at 9:30, knowing now I am not going to get lunch, going to have the reschedule Snowball's appointment to whenever the Vet can get him in next despite our leather furniture our husband is bringing back tonight. On my drive to work I drive by Riverwalk and there are all these smiling, cute, in shape people running along and I want to pull over and ask, "What do you do, and How do I do it?".

School is so exciting.

Finally got the older kids going in school. Caleb has been totally excited. He has actually had homework. He kept stalling trying not to get it done last night. Then we arranged for a play date for this weekend and that inspired him to get it done. Jackson seems to love it when he is there but he intentionally missed the bus yesterday morning. He has been a little emotional. He is getting to go on a camping trip with his friend this weekend so maybe that will cheer him up. I got asked to be the Assistant Homeroom Parent for both classes. I am excited to get to be involved with their classrooms.
The kids also started Awanas last night. It is Maisy's first time to get to do it. She has to actually memorize verses. I am going to get to be a part of the MOPS program at church too. They have a blog also.
Charlie has started smiling. It is the best thing in the entire world to see a baby smile. His little cheeks are chubby and so they have little dimples when he smiles. I'll try to post a pic, but my computer crashed so I don't have my iphone where it can automatically download the pictures anymore.
It has been stormy and rainy here. Which has meant cooler weather. The kids still haven't been able to wear any of their cute new little jeans though. By the way Caleb's little "rino tough" shoes and Jackson's puma's came in and are a huge hit. They are actually still white. Rob bought Maisy the cutest little pink tennis shoes. She loves to run in them. She thinks they make her run fast. She still runs where she kicks her booty with her feet. It is so CUTE.

Baby Charlie

Charlie is here (and has been for 2 months). I am way behind. On Sunday, June 7, thought it might be the day since the night didn't allow me much sleep or rest. Of course I had contractions off and on but had been from months. Then I started really having them and was uncomfortable so I went to go downstairs to see what they did. Had to sit down on the stairs and couldn't make it any further. The house was a complete mess because Jackson had a sleep over the night before. Yelled at Rob that it might be time, that was at 9:30. It took a while to get everyone in the car. Got to the hospital and things were moving great for the first hour. My water broke around 11am. Then things totally stopped. My doctor who had delivered all 3 of our other children was out that day, so we got a new doctor. When things didn't progress, she ordered pitocin. I had no epidural because I had forgot to go by and pay for it. The pain got so bad, I wanted to die. We still had not made any progress then at 4:30 the pain was so bad I seriously didn't think I was going to make it and my body was pushing without me even trying and I could feel the baby was about to come. It took just a couple of pushes and he was out. The pain was so bad that I kind of forgot why I was in such pain and when I looked down and saw him laying on my belly I remembered, "Oh yeah, I'm having a baby". I had several tears that had to be repaired. We had difficulty delivering the placenta, and the doctor had to go in and get it out, YIKES! The nursery was taking him off and I still had not been able to hold him because we were still trying to deliver the placenta. But it was all worth it. He weighed 6 pounds 1 ounce and was perfectly healthy. It feels like he has always existed in my life. Still a little sleep deprived. He sure is cute though.

Getting ready for Charlie

Although it is the middle of May, it feels like we are just now starting Spring. The forecast finally does not have rain in it everyday. It is beautiful outside. The big issue right now is Maisy does not want to go to school. It is miserable to drop her off and for her to cry.
The children only have 8 days left of school, which is exciting but also scary. The issue is how to keep them occupied all summer. It is a dilemma about whether to sign them up for a bunch of camps and make them do worksheets or other things to stay caught up for school or just let them play all summer. I am now 34 weeks pregnant and frantically trying to get ready for Charlie's arrival. His room is not ready, none of the few clothes we have for him have been washed. We do have bottles, diapers and one little can of formula. My weight seems to be increasing by a pound a day, which is odd. My hands in particular get really swollen.
This week my main goal is to get ready to have the baby so I need to have everything done for the next month at work and get ready at home for him. There is a ton of work right now. At home I need to get the room painted, wash all of his clothes, and pack our bags. One might think that with Memorial Day weekend this weekend, it is a huge relief and vacation. My days off from work though are just as much work as my job. Both are mentally exhausting and home might even be more physically exhausting. The boxes and boxes of medical records at work are definitely hard to carry around but luckily electronic formats keep that a little easier now.

Some days are better than others

The last month has been crazy! We had problems with our pregnancy at the end of March. We are still pregnant and have now made it to 29 weeks. Only 7 more to go until 36 weeks, which seems like a lifetime away. The meds for preterm labor were pretty bad but now I take them every 4 hours so I am hoping that will help. Things were already hard to deal with in being sick and then I saw what our portion of the hospital bill was going to be and wondered how in the world all of this is going to work. Of the other big news, all three children had the flu. A new form of torture is to be pregnant and on bed rest and have to take care of three children with the flu by yourself. Then have one of the children have an allergic reaction to Tramiflu. The CIA should try that one.
Jackson is doing his first book report for school. He got his test papers for his recommended black belt which is amazing. He also was given a laptop by my friend Jennifer which had been saving his money for. To treat him, he got a computer game where you learn about animals but then the computer wasn't fast enough. Oh well, it's the thought that counts right? Caleb has now made friends with Maisy and they are so cute playing together. He has now collected every lego set available I think thanks to his birthday. Maisy had her ballet recital. She actually did the first part and then the entire second part spent it looking for me. I had to move spots to be able to record her dance. I was so proud though that she was one of the ballerinas that did the dance though instead of standing there.
The kids need to get back into all their activities and things to return to normal. Although our normal will never be the same with a newborn coming. How is this summer going to work with trying to get babysitters to come to the house to keep the older three meanwhile having a newborn at home. And then on TV there is the 18 and counting show where the family has 18 kids that are all homeschooled. Not sure what parenting techniques they are utilizing but with three things are chaotic.
This week, Jackson will need to go to karate everyday so he can take his recommended black belt test. Caleb will have to make-up his standardized reading test. Hopefully he won't break out with any more hives. Maisy is going to have to readjust to school. Our biggest problems right now are just having clean cloths, a nutritious meal and getting along. That doesn't take into account taxes, the hike in our health insurance premiums, and trying to afford the medical bills.
A strange thing that happened this weekend at one of our worst moments. The kids were being absolutely horrible. Telling me "No" when I asked them to do something, fighting with each other and destroying things to say the least. We did a group intervention and all three got down on their knees. Each one of them was to say a prayer to ask for help in acting better and asking for forgiveness for how they had treated others. Jackson and Caleb had tears in their eyes. Maisy seemed to enjoy it and just repeated after what we told her to say. But after that they actually started getting along and trying to help Maisy out. They had some really sweet moments. After the week we had, we were willing to try the power of prayer.

What a great Valentine's Day!

We had a packed weekend. Saturday we had Parents Day at karate, and it was so hard trying to do karate at 5 months pregnant. I hurt for 2 days, even though I didn't do any of the hard stuff. Then Rob and I had date night with our friends Jennifer & Brad. We went to see Confessions of a Shopaholic. It was cute, and a great reminder that all those pretty things are very pretty but not necessary and can be such a pain. Then we had an awesome dinner at Jennifer's favorite restaurant. Sunday we had a very busy day with an outing with Jackson's friend and his family. Tons of fun. Then we drove to Bartlesville to meet friends. The kids had so much fun and I think Jackson has a crush on their daughter. It was great. Long weekend with lots of stuff. Rob was great at helping out and getting the kids to pitch in. Still working on the whole keeping the house clean plan though.

Sometimes my belly seems to be bigger and then sometimes it doesn't. The baby does not seem to move much. I do seem to feel it a lot really early in the morning. This morning was picture day at school. Jackson wore his suit and looked amazing. Caleb refused, so we compromised on a collared shirt. Maisy got some new Dora Crocs this weekend that she is in love with, they are so cute.

The baby is still in there.

Our 20 week appointment was good. The heart rate was good. No ultrasound though, which was kind of disappointing. I don't go back for another month. Maisy got her ballet recital costume. It is adorable and my favorite color. Jackson has tryouts tonight for the Karate Demonstration Team. Caleb and Maisy want to go to church. Jackson and Caleb want me to go eat lunch with them, which I really don't want to have to eat the food at the school.

So much work!

I'm back from my trip to Chicacgo and so glad to be in warmer weather. Here is the picture I could not get to post last time. I have so much work to do and not sure how I'm going to get it done. I used to get so much done after I went home and put the kids to bed. It was my quiet working time. In the office it seems like something is always going on. And now, after I get the kids in bed, I could fall asleep standing up I am so tired.

Tommorrow is my 20 week appointment. Rob and I had the debate about finding out about the baby. He still wants it to be a surprise to us, but is okay with everyone else finding out what it is. I say if it is a surprise, then it is a surprise and no one knows. He thinks he can read the ultrasound and tell what it is though without the technician telling us. The kids really want to know whether it is a boy or girl though.

My sister had a list of recomended names for us. I can't remember them all but the boy name I remember is Tristan and the girl name was Norah. So I might have to figure out how to add those to the list to vote on.

Chicago

I am in the freezing city of Chicago for work. I got to see my sister at her work again. I posted a picture of her in her office. Had a long day of depositions yesterday. It is so cold here. And walking in the cold is not fun especially when your pregnant. If you have to walk 10 blocks to get somewhere then if you are pregnant you need a bathroom every other block. There are not many clean bathrooms. Going to have some good food. Miss Rob and the kids. Wanting to find some maternity clothes. Today I feel really fat. I am getting a bigger stomach but it is soft. I thought my belly was completely hard with the other kids. Not feeling the movement which really freaks me out. Maybe it just isn't big enough for me to feel all the time, but I have notes in my book of feeling lots of movement at 19 weeks. I am now 19 weeks, so I am thinking I should be feeling the little one.

Crazy days

The ice and snow hit us hard enough to keep everyone in yesterday. It was too cold and not enough snow to go out and play in it. We had a panic because Rob was in Minnesota and we needed him to get back home so I could leave for a work trip. Maisy was cracking me up, she kept pointing to my coke saying "My Daddy's in a soda", not understanding Minnesota. Finally he got a flight to Chicago yesterday, but then his flight back home was cancelled. He should be arriving today.
The boys have moved all of Caleb's stuff into Jackson's room because they have decided they wanted to share a room. It all fell through when Caleb really just wanted to move into Jackson's closet and sleep in the closet. I don't know why our boys think it is so cool to sleep on the floor or in a closet. I actually slept on the couch last night because they wanted to sleep downstairs and woke up this morning with 2 of the kids on the couch with me. I guess I was so tired it didn't matter. Caleb had another nightmare about dinosaurs and they were chasing him and then the ground started to break. I guess he take science class too serious.
I actually wore maternity pants today. They sag in the butt though. The elastic band bothers me because my skin is so sensitive right now. I don't want anything rubbing or touching the skin on my belly. I am definitely growing out of my regular clothes though and worried because I have a trial in March where I am going to have to wear suits every day for a week and a half. I am carrying so low, it looks really odd. It is like a horizontal football in between my hip bones.

Slip Slidin' fun

I had a "gnarly" mediation, as lawyers would say. A minor inconvenience was when I had ordered a soup and sandwich and they only brought the sandwich. I was starving and so worried the sandwich wasn't going to be enough. I had wanted to order five things off the menu but refrained. Then the ice storm came. It was hilarious ice skating across the street and through the parking lot to get to my car. Then it was even more hilarious to see me scraping the windows of the car with a pen and CD case. The boy's after school care closed early, so I was trying to get there in time. Finally made it. My hair was frozen, I was tired of trying to ice skate, and I hate driving in ice.

School is already closed for tomorrow, so it will be an exciting day. I find myself more and more physically worn out, so it is hard to keep up with everyone. The skin on my sides feels like it is going to rip. It itches, but I am trying to resist scratching and instead put lotion on them.

I am 18 weeks, and I started to worry today after I looked at the budget and wondered how we are going to afford another $800 in daycare. I know we will make it work somehow. My biggest worry right now is about staying off bed rest. I just cannot do bed rest with 3 kids. I know I'll figure out how to do whatever I have to do to get this baby here safely.

Chinese New Year

Today Jackson, Caleb, Maisy and I attend a Chinese New Year Celebration with Jackson's best friend and his Mom. Tons of food and cute prizes. It is freezing cold, and an ice storm is supposed to come on Monday or Tuesday. Jackson is spending the night with a friend, but Maisy wants to go get him. She said she would drive. I told her I was too tired, and she said, "U stay here and I dwive yew car, kay". I asked her how she was going to drive and she did the wheels on the bus go round and round. I almost burned my hand trying to start a fire. Now I am watching "Spidermonkey" as she calls Spiderman. And actually he does look like a spidermonkey the way he swings through the city.
I'm rethinking the whole letting the new baby be a suprise on whether it is a boy or girl. I kind of want to know. The boys really want us to find out. On names, Caleb wants Joey for a boy or Aleena for a girl. Jackson wants Jack for a boy and Lucy for a girl. Maisy just says "sisser" meaning Sister. I'm thinking Shelby for a girl and Brandon for a boy.
And while enjoying a snack with Maisy of powdered donuts, I thought she was being sweet and handing me donuts. Well she was handing me the donuts after she had licked them because apparently she likes the powdered sugar off of them.

Blogging 101

I am new to this but think it is a great idea to keep up with our lives. I will post exciting news about Rob, Jackson, Caleb, Maisy and our newest addition when he/she gets here.