Perceptions

My father just recently published a fiction book called Trial of Billy Ranhalt which tells about a disable veteran who returns home. It was very interesting reading it from the perspective of the soldier. I grew up as an army brat and I also had to deal with my father suffering from a massive brain bleed. When I was reading the book, I really wanted to say, wait a minute think of how the kids feel. It really got me started thinking about a young adult book I had worked on myself years ago. When your parent goes off to war, it disrupts your entire life. There is the worry, the family unit just isn't whole, and tension. As a teenager you just keep thinking that once they return home everything will be back to normal. I am sure there are a lot of teens out there who have it harder than I did and the teenage years are not easy for anyone. But when a parent who goes off to war the one thread of hope that I held onto was that once he got back everything would be like a fairytale. And they were that way for a little while. Then my father had a massive brain bleed which was very hard because he was a very intelligent and strong man. What was worse was watching his frustration with himself. I thought it was so cruel for him to be trapped in this body that did not work the same and for him to realize it. But at the same time as often happens someone is so critical of their own family more so than they would ever be as a stranger. It is hard not to be angry at your parent for not just "getting on with life". Why couldn't he be happy he was alive? Why couldn't he find a different job that he could do? Why couldn't he just want to be with us? As anyone knows, after a traumatic brain injury the person is never the same. And we expect our parents to never change, at least as a kid. I've learned to see my father as a person though and not just a father. It is funny how my own kids see me just as a Mom. I'm not supposed to have any other life. Even my work is tied to being a Mom so that I can provide for them. Children want us to always be there and have nothing before them or after them. It changes through time, but still it is like we expect our parents to be that one constant in the world. As my son said when my husband and I went out on a date, "Why are you trying to ditch us?".

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The Parents Learn a Lesson

As a parent, I have all of these ideas about lessons I would like my children to learn. Rob and I agree on almost all and one of them was that we wanted them to learn teamwork and what it is like to be a part of something bigger than yourself. So we have this rule that they are required to participate in one team sport. So as spring was coming around and all of the fliers went home about sports, we sat down with them to decide what sport they would play.

Jackson decided on baseball, which we were thrilled about. As a toddler he would sit and watch the Little League World Series for hours. He would go to the cabinet and get out a bowl and put it on his head as a helmet and then get a duster or anything else he could find to pretend it was a bat. He loved baseball. His first word was ball. So when he didn't want to play baseball once he was old enough to sign up we didn't understand. So finally, our little ball lover is playing baseball. He loves it. He is so cute in his uniform. He has played pitcher, short stop, first base, catcher and outfield. He loves first base and pitcher the best so far. All of the practice and clinics have taken a toll on Rob and I though. It is hard to work all day then rush to a practice for several hours then rush home to do homework, feed them, take a bath, and get them in bed. I was beginning to think the kids had taught us a lesson, that sometimes doing less is more enjoyable. Then at his game this week, he tagged a runner out while playing short stop and seeing his face made it all worth it.

Maisy and Caleb are playing soccer. Last Saturday, we had two games back to back in 50 degrees and raining weather. It was so cold, windy and wet, I was worried about Charlie sitting out in that weather and getting sick. I was freezing and my hands were numb. Maisy was cute running with her teammates and the look on her face was so intense. I could see the neurons building pathways of the enjoyment human connections can give. Then Caleb after a very hard game in which they lost by 1 point, said I assisted in 3 goals and I kicked the ball 13 times. It was wonderful how he got the fact that he didn't score the goal but the goal could not have been scored had he not passed the ball. I was so tired after the game, I started to cry thinking about how many more games we have. Just getting 4 kids to all of their events with the correct equipment and uniform on sometimes takes divine intervention. But the lesson I have learned is that sometimes the things that take the most work, are the things that are the most rewarding.

Time FGoes By

So I didn't realize it had been 5 months since my last post. It feels like it was just yesterday. The days are running together. Christmas was absolutely chaotic because we decided to take the kids to Disney World. If I could give other Moms a piece of advice it would be not to go on a lengthy vacation right before Christmas because it take so much work just to prepare for Christmas. Everything was so rushed, it feels almost as thought there was no Christmas. It was Charlie's first Christmas though. All he wanted to do was eat the paper though. Maisy just wanted more and more presents regardless of what present she just opened and how much she liked it. Caleb just enjoyed the whole thing and loved building all the things he could with all his Legos and Bionicles. Jackson was upset because all he wanted for Christmas was an ipod touch. He ended up getting almost enough money to buy it and we pitched in the rest. I posted a CUTE picture of Rob helping the boys build the Marble Maze. I think Rob enjoyed it almost as much as the kids.

With the new year, I got to thinking about my New Years Resolutions from last year and how I did on accomplishing them. First, I wanted to become fluent in another language, mainly Spanish since I already know a lot. Well that did not happen. But I thought about all the languages I am fluent in. First, I can understand baby talk, with Charlie I know from across the house if his cry means I'm hungry, I'm poopy, I'm tired, I'm uncomfortable, or One of my siblings just tried to "help" me. So I am fluent in baby talk. Next, I although it might be impossible for anyone to be fluent in 3 year old language, I am getting pretty good. I know "you're not my friend" means although you said no to be a good mom she still doesn't like it. I know "poopy head" means she is not happy with what the other kid just did and she is frustrated. I know "I'm not tired" means she is exhausted. Now with our 6 and 8 year old sons, it has proved a little more difficult to grasp the language. "I had a horrible day at school" means not every single person on the playground wanted to play with me. "I'm not hungry" means what you cooked for dinner looks so unappealing I would rather starve. "You don't care about me" means how dare you not give into me and my wants. So even though I am still not fluent in Spanish, I did grasp a few new languages.

My other New Years Resolution last year was to start working out. Well, we adopted a rescue dog in October. And although the year is 3/4 over in October, it was still in 2009. Well I have had to chase that dog every morning as not just tries to follow the kids to the bus stop but actually tries to get on the bus. It is now a morning ritual for all the kids on the bus and the bus driver to expect Kodi to be there at the bus stop. Work has also been so busy that I have had to sprint in heels (which I think could qualify as those fancy calf shaping shoes they sell for $150) from meeting to meeting while carrying binders full of records (equivalent to 10 pound hand weights). I've also done a good hour on the stairmaster three times a week carrying all the laundry up the stairs to the kids' rooms. So although I did not hit a gym the entire year, I actually did work out.

And yes, I am carrying over those 2 new years resolutions into this year. And although the month of January is almost over, I still haven't practiced Spanish once nor have I hit the gym once. But according to a book we read for Book Club, The Alchemist, it is the point of having the dream not just achieving it. And Yes, I do still dream of achieving a lot of things that I may never achieve.

A Hard Job

Being a parent is definitely hard. There is always the fine line of being too strict versus too lenient. I have always loved books since I was a child and I have tried to inspire a love of books in my children. Here is Caleb with one of his favorite books. I read a book this weekend that really got me thinking. It is called The Glass Castle by Jeannette Wells. I could not believe it and was even more shocked with each turn of the page. It has been a long time since I've read a book in a weekend, but I could not go to sleep without finishing it. Her parents are quite neglectful. Her father is an alcoholic but does seem to have a loving side. Her mother at first has a loving side and then seems to have some sort of mental problem where she almost reverts to childhood. They didn't provide adequate meals except right after pay day. They never provided proper clothing. Sometimes they did not even provide them shelter and then the majority of the time the shelter should have been condemned. I could not believe it as I read about little Jeannette and her brothers and sisters digging through the garbage trying to find food.

The first thing I realized is that children really just want to feel loved and cared for from their parents. They will have their little tantrums but overall, just being there is very important. I often worry about not being able to pay for all the music lessons the kids want, the toys they want, books they want and things they want to do. Reading The Glass Castle made me realize my children should really appreciate all the extra curricular activities we do. Jeannette seemed to have a very vivid memory of times when she was just sitting around with her father and of other times when her mother laid in bed and would not get up. There is also a vivid description of when she goes to a friend's house whose mother is known as the town prostitute. She describes her as being a nice, caring mother that is there for her children and provides for them.

Second, anyone can succeed if they want to. it made me realize that if Jeannette, her sister, and her brother could become successful adults with the childhood they had, then others have no excuse. She had every hardship imaginable, yet she worked so hard to stay in school and become a writer. It reminded me of how happy I was to earn my own money when I was 12 and on. From the time I was 12, I don't really remember my parents buying me clothes or other luxury type items. Of course I got birthday and Christmas presents but that was about it. If someone really wants something, they will make it happen.

Third, once we have children we can no longer be selfish. Jeannette's mother squandered away all of their money on art supplies. She had a college education and could get a job teaching easily. I can't believe she would spend all the money on art supplies instead of feeding and clothing her children. She would also lay around all day and read romance books instead of going to teach. She had her time to be independent and would have it again after her children were grown, why did she neglect them. When they were teenagers she even told her kids that she had spent her life taking care of others and now she was going to concentrate on herself. I wanted to throw the book. It made me realize that while I want my children to be able to do things for themselves, sitting there watching TV, reading a book or anything else is not an excuse to not pay attention to them. I never get to watch any TV unless I am watching a kid movie with them or Mythbusters or Dirty Jobs. When I get tired I just have to realize in 18 years they will be off at college and I will be there in my house alone and I can read all the books I want to then.

Fourth, your children really will judge you and hold it against you. All of the critiques I read of her book talked about how she was so impartial and told the story without whining. She was successful in that aspect. I still couldn't help feeling like she forgave her father for much more and still held a grudge against her mother. She seemed to be compassionate towards her father in that he was an alcoholic whereas not so much with her mother who claimed she was an excitement addict.

When I described the book to my husband, he said "And that was a good book to read". It really was horrible to read all about how bad things really were for her, but I could not stop reading it. Although it is not a warm your heart kind of book, it was good to read because it made me realize what my children will hopefully remember when they look back on me, judging me.

Hopefully they will remember the meals I made them, all the laundry I did (17 loads in one weekend), all the books I read to them, all the times I came up to their school, all the music lessons and extracurricular lessons I paid for, and more importantly all the times I asked them: What do you want to do? How was your day? Who did you play with? What did you learn? What do you want to be when you grow up? What do you want to do for fun? And most importantly that my life was about providing for them. I worked to provide for them and I spent every minute I wasn't working on them. I love them and I just hope I can be a good Mom.

Two Nights of Sleep

Charlie and Maisy slept all night last night. I am afraid to even say it for fear that tonight they will trade off being up. This is the second night in a row, so maybe it is a start.

Maisy has been absolutely throwing a fit when I drop her off at pre-school. She clings to my leg, screaming and crying, and they have to physically force her off of me. When I pick her up she is so happy and singing cute little songs and making me repeat after her all the things she learned that day. The teacher says she is fine after I leave. I begged Rob to take her this morning because I just couldn't handle leaving her screaming again. When I get her up in the morning and get her dressed, she says, "Where me going" and I say in an excited happy voice, "you get to go to school" and then she starts in on refusing to get dressed, going on and on about how she doesn't want to go to school. It is miserable.

Maisy wants to go to gymnastics every day. She loves it. I don't know how you tell if a child has natural talent to be a gymnist. She asks to go everyday. It is wearing me out though.

Getting up early every morning and getting 4 kids dressed and out the door is hard. Then a 9 hour work day. then 4 hours of driving the kids around everywhere and having to act like I have all the energy in the world while encouraging them to get their homework done or behave. Then I have to get them all fed, bathed, read them 4 or 5 books and in bed. Then there is always laundry and dishes every single night just to get ready for the next day. When I crash into bed at 10 or so, then I have to finish up any work I had or if it is a particularly great day, I actually get to read a book. People talk about the current TV shows they are following and I have no clue. All the Moms keep telling me it is all worth it and one day I will miss it all when I sit there bored at home wondering what my kids are doing. That seems so far off right now.

Maisy is getting to do Awana's this year. She was so proud of her book and vest after watching her brothers do it for a year.

The only verse she has memorized so far is "God wuves da wowld" (God loves the world). She is actually trying to say the verse, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son....

It is so cute though and she definitely gets the point, that God loves the world.