A Hard Job

Being a parent is definitely hard. There is always the fine line of being too strict versus too lenient. I have always loved books since I was a child and I have tried to inspire a love of books in my children. Here is Caleb with one of his favorite books. I read a book this weekend that really got me thinking. It is called The Glass Castle by Jeannette Wells. I could not believe it and was even more shocked with each turn of the page. It has been a long time since I've read a book in a weekend, but I could not go to sleep without finishing it. Her parents are quite neglectful. Her father is an alcoholic but does seem to have a loving side. Her mother at first has a loving side and then seems to have some sort of mental problem where she almost reverts to childhood. They didn't provide adequate meals except right after pay day. They never provided proper clothing. Sometimes they did not even provide them shelter and then the majority of the time the shelter should have been condemned. I could not believe it as I read about little Jeannette and her brothers and sisters digging through the garbage trying to find food.

The first thing I realized is that children really just want to feel loved and cared for from their parents. They will have their little tantrums but overall, just being there is very important. I often worry about not being able to pay for all the music lessons the kids want, the toys they want, books they want and things they want to do. Reading The Glass Castle made me realize my children should really appreciate all the extra curricular activities we do. Jeannette seemed to have a very vivid memory of times when she was just sitting around with her father and of other times when her mother laid in bed and would not get up. There is also a vivid description of when she goes to a friend's house whose mother is known as the town prostitute. She describes her as being a nice, caring mother that is there for her children and provides for them.

Second, anyone can succeed if they want to. it made me realize that if Jeannette, her sister, and her brother could become successful adults with the childhood they had, then others have no excuse. She had every hardship imaginable, yet she worked so hard to stay in school and become a writer. It reminded me of how happy I was to earn my own money when I was 12 and on. From the time I was 12, I don't really remember my parents buying me clothes or other luxury type items. Of course I got birthday and Christmas presents but that was about it. If someone really wants something, they will make it happen.

Third, once we have children we can no longer be selfish. Jeannette's mother squandered away all of their money on art supplies. She had a college education and could get a job teaching easily. I can't believe she would spend all the money on art supplies instead of feeding and clothing her children. She would also lay around all day and read romance books instead of going to teach. She had her time to be independent and would have it again after her children were grown, why did she neglect them. When they were teenagers she even told her kids that she had spent her life taking care of others and now she was going to concentrate on herself. I wanted to throw the book. It made me realize that while I want my children to be able to do things for themselves, sitting there watching TV, reading a book or anything else is not an excuse to not pay attention to them. I never get to watch any TV unless I am watching a kid movie with them or Mythbusters or Dirty Jobs. When I get tired I just have to realize in 18 years they will be off at college and I will be there in my house alone and I can read all the books I want to then.

Fourth, your children really will judge you and hold it against you. All of the critiques I read of her book talked about how she was so impartial and told the story without whining. She was successful in that aspect. I still couldn't help feeling like she forgave her father for much more and still held a grudge against her mother. She seemed to be compassionate towards her father in that he was an alcoholic whereas not so much with her mother who claimed she was an excitement addict.

When I described the book to my husband, he said "And that was a good book to read". It really was horrible to read all about how bad things really were for her, but I could not stop reading it. Although it is not a warm your heart kind of book, it was good to read because it made me realize what my children will hopefully remember when they look back on me, judging me.

Hopefully they will remember the meals I made them, all the laundry I did (17 loads in one weekend), all the books I read to them, all the times I came up to their school, all the music lessons and extracurricular lessons I paid for, and more importantly all the times I asked them: What do you want to do? How was your day? Who did you play with? What did you learn? What do you want to be when you grow up? What do you want to do for fun? And most importantly that my life was about providing for them. I worked to provide for them and I spent every minute I wasn't working on them. I love them and I just hope I can be a good Mom.

Two Nights of Sleep

Charlie and Maisy slept all night last night. I am afraid to even say it for fear that tonight they will trade off being up. This is the second night in a row, so maybe it is a start.

Maisy has been absolutely throwing a fit when I drop her off at pre-school. She clings to my leg, screaming and crying, and they have to physically force her off of me. When I pick her up she is so happy and singing cute little songs and making me repeat after her all the things she learned that day. The teacher says she is fine after I leave. I begged Rob to take her this morning because I just couldn't handle leaving her screaming again. When I get her up in the morning and get her dressed, she says, "Where me going" and I say in an excited happy voice, "you get to go to school" and then she starts in on refusing to get dressed, going on and on about how she doesn't want to go to school. It is miserable.

Maisy wants to go to gymnastics every day. She loves it. I don't know how you tell if a child has natural talent to be a gymnist. She asks to go everyday. It is wearing me out though.

Getting up early every morning and getting 4 kids dressed and out the door is hard. Then a 9 hour work day. then 4 hours of driving the kids around everywhere and having to act like I have all the energy in the world while encouraging them to get their homework done or behave. Then I have to get them all fed, bathed, read them 4 or 5 books and in bed. Then there is always laundry and dishes every single night just to get ready for the next day. When I crash into bed at 10 or so, then I have to finish up any work I had or if it is a particularly great day, I actually get to read a book. People talk about the current TV shows they are following and I have no clue. All the Moms keep telling me it is all worth it and one day I will miss it all when I sit there bored at home wondering what my kids are doing. That seems so far off right now.

Maisy is getting to do Awana's this year. She was so proud of her book and vest after watching her brothers do it for a year.

The only verse she has memorized so far is "God wuves da wowld" (God loves the world). She is actually trying to say the verse, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son....

It is so cute though and she definitely gets the point, that God loves the world.

The Pursuit of Happyness

Today was the first day for Maisy and Charlie to start school. Last night I stayed up preparing everything to try to make the morning go smoothly. So Finally I crash into bed last night. I actually get 6 hours of sleep which is a miracle! So at 5:00 am our daughter wakes up screaming at our cat Snowball to get out of her room. Somehow I know Snowball got the hint, because then she is just screaming that she wants her Mommy. I could feel my husband move, so I knew he was awake, so I tell him it is his turn. He says he is not going to get up because he wants her to stay in her own room. There is quiet and I am wondering if she actually did fall back asleep. Then at 5:30 am she comes into our room. Finally I see her doze off to sleep. Then at 6:00 am, I hear our baby needing to be fed. So I get up and get him fed, load the dishwasher, switch the clothes from the washer to the dryer, take the trash to the top of the driveway, make breakfast for the children. Then my husband comes downstairs wanting to know what furniture I want him to load to take to Arkansas. I am thinking, shouldn't you have done this last night. So I go over the list I have now given him 3 times, and he replies that he cannot lift the couch,etc by himself. So I go over lift up half of the couch and the fishtank, popcorn machine, etc. No problem. I am starting to sweat and I don't have time for a shower now. So I wake the kids up to tell them to get dressed and go down for their breakfast that I had made. I then give myself a washcloth bath and put my hair in a bun since I haven't had time to do it. Throw on a suit and some fake pearls just to look like I am put together. Go back down, make sure their backpacks are packed and snacks. Get our 3 year old dressed and have her eating her oatmeal that she always eats, then my husband makes a comment about there being too much sugar on it. Tells our daughter she doesn't like, to which she then tells me she doesn't like it like that and then refuses to eat it. If he wanted to gripe about the amount of sugar on it, he could have made it himself or else keep his mouth shut. Then carry everything for 2 younger kids that are starting school today to the car. Finally get them in the car, then all of the sudden my husband finally asks if I need help. I tell him to get Snowball into the box for me. He gets Snowball into the box and in the car. Then Snowball escapes from the box and out of the car. Me and children try to catch Snowball. Finally catch Snowball and then put him in a broken Rubbermaid that hopefully he can't get out of but can still breathe due to all the cracks in it. Get him to car, the Rubbermaid is too big and one of the seats needs to be put down. Snowball then escapes again. The bus comes and the 2 older kids almost miss it because they were helping look for the cat. Luckily they make the bus despite the driver closing his door and almost driving off. I give up on Snowball and take the 2 younger kids to school. I have 2 kids and 4 bags to carry in. So I just take the kids thinking it will be easier to come back. I forget the code to the door and am standing there waiting and waiting for someone to let us in. Finally get in and then the 2 rooms are clear across the room from each other. Drop off one kid and then hike across campus to the other child's room. Then hike back to car to get bags. Drop off bag at first class, hike across campus to other class. Make up the baby's crib, set out his bottles, and diapers, etc. He is in a little bouncy chair laughing and being so cute. I am so sad I am leaving him to play there. Finally tear myself away and hike back to car. Drive back to house and jump down in ditch to look in a drainage pipe to see if I can find Snowball. Hike around 1 acre wooded yard, still can't find Snowball. Try to go into house thinking maybe he'll come out if he doesn't think I am looking for him. Still no Snowball. Finally I give up and head to work at 9:30, knowing now I am not going to get lunch, going to have the reschedule Snowball's appointment to whenever the Vet can get him in next despite our leather furniture our husband is bringing back tonight. On my drive to work I drive by Riverwalk and there are all these smiling, cute, in shape people running along and I want to pull over and ask, "What do you do, and How do I do it?".