A Hard Job

Being a parent is definitely hard. There is always the fine line of being too strict versus too lenient. I have always loved books since I was a child and I have tried to inspire a love of books in my children. Here is Caleb with one of his favorite books. I read a book this weekend that really got me thinking. It is called The Glass Castle by Jeannette Wells. I could not believe it and was even more shocked with each turn of the page. It has been a long time since I've read a book in a weekend, but I could not go to sleep without finishing it. Her parents are quite neglectful. Her father is an alcoholic but does seem to have a loving side. Her mother at first has a loving side and then seems to have some sort of mental problem where she almost reverts to childhood. They didn't provide adequate meals except right after pay day. They never provided proper clothing. Sometimes they did not even provide them shelter and then the majority of the time the shelter should have been condemned. I could not believe it as I read about little Jeannette and her brothers and sisters digging through the garbage trying to find food.

The first thing I realized is that children really just want to feel loved and cared for from their parents. They will have their little tantrums but overall, just being there is very important. I often worry about not being able to pay for all the music lessons the kids want, the toys they want, books they want and things they want to do. Reading The Glass Castle made me realize my children should really appreciate all the extra curricular activities we do. Jeannette seemed to have a very vivid memory of times when she was just sitting around with her father and of other times when her mother laid in bed and would not get up. There is also a vivid description of when she goes to a friend's house whose mother is known as the town prostitute. She describes her as being a nice, caring mother that is there for her children and provides for them.

Second, anyone can succeed if they want to. it made me realize that if Jeannette, her sister, and her brother could become successful adults with the childhood they had, then others have no excuse. She had every hardship imaginable, yet she worked so hard to stay in school and become a writer. It reminded me of how happy I was to earn my own money when I was 12 and on. From the time I was 12, I don't really remember my parents buying me clothes or other luxury type items. Of course I got birthday and Christmas presents but that was about it. If someone really wants something, they will make it happen.

Third, once we have children we can no longer be selfish. Jeannette's mother squandered away all of their money on art supplies. She had a college education and could get a job teaching easily. I can't believe she would spend all the money on art supplies instead of feeding and clothing her children. She would also lay around all day and read romance books instead of going to teach. She had her time to be independent and would have it again after her children were grown, why did she neglect them. When they were teenagers she even told her kids that she had spent her life taking care of others and now she was going to concentrate on herself. I wanted to throw the book. It made me realize that while I want my children to be able to do things for themselves, sitting there watching TV, reading a book or anything else is not an excuse to not pay attention to them. I never get to watch any TV unless I am watching a kid movie with them or Mythbusters or Dirty Jobs. When I get tired I just have to realize in 18 years they will be off at college and I will be there in my house alone and I can read all the books I want to then.

Fourth, your children really will judge you and hold it against you. All of the critiques I read of her book talked about how she was so impartial and told the story without whining. She was successful in that aspect. I still couldn't help feeling like she forgave her father for much more and still held a grudge against her mother. She seemed to be compassionate towards her father in that he was an alcoholic whereas not so much with her mother who claimed she was an excitement addict.

When I described the book to my husband, he said "And that was a good book to read". It really was horrible to read all about how bad things really were for her, but I could not stop reading it. Although it is not a warm your heart kind of book, it was good to read because it made me realize what my children will hopefully remember when they look back on me, judging me.

Hopefully they will remember the meals I made them, all the laundry I did (17 loads in one weekend), all the books I read to them, all the times I came up to their school, all the music lessons and extracurricular lessons I paid for, and more importantly all the times I asked them: What do you want to do? How was your day? Who did you play with? What did you learn? What do you want to be when you grow up? What do you want to do for fun? And most importantly that my life was about providing for them. I worked to provide for them and I spent every minute I wasn't working on them. I love them and I just hope I can be a good Mom.